Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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