I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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