you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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