and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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