I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
