either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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