that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Dick very happy bro
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
