I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I have already put on my inside pants.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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