I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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