Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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