you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
