Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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