Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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