Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
