you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
