Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
