You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
