i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
