jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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