i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
