no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
