i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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