I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
