I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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