i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
