He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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