they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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