I wish my penis had an off switch
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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