What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
