Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
