Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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