i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
