there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize