bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
