every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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