puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
