what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
