Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
