someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
