Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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