I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
