my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
How's work?
Spinning.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
