WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
