I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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