Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
