I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize