I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
