they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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