made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
