he puts the penis in happiness.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
