Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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