you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
My ass is underappreciated
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
