You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
