omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
