Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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