I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
