So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
