I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
