My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
