Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize