we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
