Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
