dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
