Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
