if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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