Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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