I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
