well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
