so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
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